LISTENING

Listening is a way to show regard for the other person. Assuming that I regard you, I will listen painstakingly to what you are trying to express. Listening shows that I am intrigued by what you need to say. It says that I am intrigued by you as an individual.
Having somebody really listen has an enormous impact on the speaker. You feel approved in your perspectives regardless of the fact that the audience in the end can't help contradicting you. This is one huge focal point to tuning in. The speaker realizes that they have been paid attention to. They realize that their viewpoint has been grasped. Listening is an indication of openness. You are conveying openness to the next individual's expressions by your consideration. This ordinarily causes openness from the other. Exceptional communication and great relationships originate from openness in communication. Frankness has a tendency to make individuals feel more secure in their self-declaration and makes them less averse to talk sincerely and openly. You can't listen provided that you are thinking about your reaction. Listening requires tolerance and does not impart any feeling of needing the other to hurry up and finish so that you can have your say. Being available shows regard. It passes on the sense that what you need to say is critical to me. That says that you are important to me.  Through animated tuning in, you let the other realize that you truly do grasp what they are saying. You might not agree with them yet they will realize that they were heard and comprehended. Numerous contentions come about because of one gathering or both feeling that they were not listened to. This is decreased or killed through animated tuning in. Provided that I am continually contemplating my plans, my considerations, my comprehension of what is under examination, I can't be legitimately listening to you. In the event that I am to be an exceptional listener, I must be really intrigued by you and what you are saying.Working on exceptional listening is not a system. It is a method for being with others. Attempting to be a great listener is a practice in character building and the benefits are well worth the exertion taken. I might say that the success of any relationship could be measured by the listening competencies of both parties.

Coping with Fastidiousness

The moment they walk in, the first thing they ask is "who moved the soffer".They go to the table and remove the children's toys from it and put them in their bag.At the dinning table mats are not placed correctly and on and on. Does this sound familiar?

Let's pause there for a moment to take a closer look at this behavioral pattern known as fastidiousness. It's basically an excessive or meticulous attention to detail. Everything has to be done in a particular way or things arranged in a particular order. I know of a person who when he sits at the dinner table and notices a book on the shelf that is not well pushed in and out of line with others,he leaves his meal and goes to put it right.A grain of sand felt beneath his foot and out pops the vacuum cleaner even at midnight.

So he's excessively, most likely annoyingly tidy, over exacting and over bearing. Such people are quick to find fault and very difficult to please because they have such a" high standard " of doing things.We'll be looking from three different perspectives,namely, as a spouse, a parent and an offspring. 

1) As a spouse

 coping with a partner that is fastidious can be extremely difficult.  Trying to please such a person can be a daunting task that

 requires a lot of effort.The following will be helpful.

(i)Understanding- You'll need a lot of this to be able to cope with this behavior. Knowing they suffer from it and taking them for whom they are and that there is very little you can do to change  them.

                      

(ii)Trying to adjust to their pattern-  Knowing their routine,their likes and dislikes would also help to minimize friction between the partners.Doing things the way they want and generally leaving

things the way they are or returning them to their previous state after use is also a good idea.

2) As a Parent   At first, a child that exhibits this trait will be found amusing  but it can quickly turn to" irritation." "Why all  the fuss about everything", you wonder. Try the following. 

  (i)Patience-                                                                                        is all you can exercise especially at the initial stage. As the child grows older, you could try talking and trying making them see things in contrary light.

  (ii)Understanding-                                                                             You'll also need this to cope adequately with the child.

3) As an offspring.

 As an offspring, the problem could be two fold- a fastidious parent and a fastidious sibling.

   

   a) A fastidious parent-                                                                   In this situation there is very little you can  do.They are the boss of you. You can only be tolerant and occasionally murmur your discontent

   b) A fastidious sibling-                                                                    If it's someone older, just try and let them be, and keep out of their stuff so you won't be at the receiving end. For someone younger, don't bully. Just understand that they are unique and show them love and care.Basically we are all unique and different in our own way. Love ,understanding and tolerance would allow us all live in harmony.

courtship

 courtship

Courtship,which is a prelude to marriage should not be taken lightly The most use should be made of it.One should not be carried away with the romance associated with courtship. It is important to get to know your intended spouse properly during this period.You have to learn to watch out for subtle signs that suggests masked behavior.

 Conflicting interests that are at opposite ends of the sprectrum should be dealt with and not overlooked.If you are a woman,what are his views about you working?Would he rather you stayed at home when you would rather, like to get to the Zenith of your chosen profession?As a man,what are her views about you  travelling frequently and being away from home for extended periods when your job demands it,or moving house often?

Ease of conversation is another area you have to watch out for.Lack of conversation or difficulty of it in any relationship will lead to it's collapse. Lack of regular quality conversation will create a sea of distance between couples and make them feel like strangers with each other.They have to feel comfortable with each other.Conversations should not be one sided or dominated by one person.If one party does all the talking or does not reckon with the opinion of the other,that is a bad sign that should call for concern.Remember,a failed relationship is better than a failed marriage.